Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ragequit fic

She was cold. That's all she knew then, as she stood on the edge of the driveway, staring into the garage door. Her body trembled in the fierce cold of the winter evening, trying to fend it off.
She was so conflicted, not knowing whether to go find him or to leave. Had he been leading her on when he saw her last? What if he no longer wanted her, was too great for her?
What if he was a proud ass, so wrapped up in himself that he wouldn't think twice of her? And how angry she would be if he were like that, after how much heart and pain she had poured into him. So much rage, she might explode. Her fists clenched at the very thought of him forgetting her, just to remember himself.
"Bastard," she hissed, eyes narrowing at the garage door. "I hate you."

(unfinished... I think XD)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Don't know what to do? D:

I've been faced with an extremely hard decision.

I can either move in with my uncle, or stay here with my mom.

Pros about moving in with uncle: more art-friendly environment, food will be served EVERY night, people will actually care about me and I will have a bed.
Cons: I won't be seeing my mom every day, and it will be difficult keeping Romulus there because they have three dogs and Rom is scared of other animals.

Pros about staying here: more free privileges (such as computer + moping time), allowed to be anti-social when I just don't want to care, can stay up as long as I want, no problems keeping Romulus
Cons: no one cares about me (well, one "cares" about me but he's a fucking moron and I want him to die, honestly.), I will often be ignored by my own mother, etc.

So the real problem is, I can either have a family or have my cat.
And really, I'm leaning towards my cat these days... I'm really more attached to him than people, because he's the only one who's been "there" for me these last few months.
But I know I need a real family (and my mom doesn't give a fuck if I leave anyway), so... I don't know what to do. I want my cat but I want somewhere to be loved, too. ._.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

blank

> boyfriend gets you pregnant
> boyfriend leaves you to go back to his other baby momma, gets arrested for violating restraining order and goes to jail for 5 months
> sends you jail letters talking about weird shit the entire time
> you and i laugh at his horrible grammar, and you let me hate him and go on about how much of a jerk he is, without stopping me because you somewhat agree
> he comes back from jail, you guys love each other again

- i obviously don't like it and whine about it constantly

> a few months later i decide i've whined enough...

>... until the fights start
> you both fight at least once a week, usually because he would get drunk
> he treats you like the shit through the rest of your pregnancy, putting off getting a real job while you work until just a week before the baby is born
> the NIGHT before the baby is born, he accuses you of having sex with some guys when you went to go get a new vacuum cleaner
> the next day he watches the baby get born, has a beer and then takes a nap while you have to stay up
(around this point is where i called you because i was having a panic attack or something and i missed you a lot, and my aunt had to come check on me because of how bad it was getting)
> i cry because it sounds like you're really tired and worn out
> let me repeat, I SHOW VISIBLE PAIN FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH HELL BECAUSE OF THIS GUY

> baby comes home, he doesn't do much for the first month or so, still doesn't get a job
> fights
> beer
> fights and fights
> i'm trying to keep my cool because the first few fights i freaked out and got a knife in case he put his hands on you but it's hard because i don't want him in my home
> more fights
> some more fights
> hey guess what we're doing
> fighting
> AND THEN HAVING MAKE-UP SEX
> and then fighting the next day

MEANWHILE I am

- rebelliously not doing the dishes to show i'm not content with this relationship
- watching the baby when he goes out for a smoke
- taking care of the baby because even the BABY hates him
- occasionally, OCCASIONALLY, giving a little grief to YOU PERSONALLY about him because i just get fed up sometimes
- and sending you ONE SONG that accurately depicts his attitude ("Snakes" by Voltaire)

so why the fuck do you feel the need to tell me just how SHITTY i'm acting, exactly?
where does all my shit factor in against this dumbfuck?

and don't pull the "you've hated all my boyfriends" on me. i like scott and the guy with the Model A and dwayne and frank and bill and his kids and i even liked joe a little.
at least 90% of them gave a fuck about ME, TOO and NOT JUST HAVING YOU FOR SEX

stubborn bitch

by the way i pretty much only listed the shit he did

i didn't include all the lies and the hurtful things you did to me in this process


and i'd also like to mention the nightmare i had the other night
where he actually DID put his hands on you and i grabbed him by the throat and choked him

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

because i'm bored

*...:::TWO HUNDRED T H I N G S A B O U T Y O U:::...*

Real Name: Cheyenne McDerp

Age: 16

Height: 5' 8’’

Natural Hair Color: blonde

Eye Color: blue

Skin Color: white as a sheet of paper

Glasses/Contacts: none, though I'd really like red or yellow contacts to reflect my personality :V

Piercing: eyebrows

Tattoos: none yet

Braces: hell to the no, peeps ain't touching my teeth

Mannerisms: My legs move a lot when I get excited/nervous, and the one time I had one of those "head over heels" in-love things, I actually had to go run a mile to get the feeling out of my legs XD

Other Distinctive Markings: a big scar on my calf and a birth mark on my knee



FAVORITE


Color: red/black

Band/Singer: Avenged Sevenfold AWWWYEAH

Video Game: ...Pokemon. And Soul Caliber III

Movie: dgfhddf at the moment ummm HTTYD I think

Book: Harry Potter series (1-4 only)

Food: salad, Subway sammiches, and pizzaaaa... oh and bagels with cream cheese

Game: pretend :'D I love to pretend to be a spy, or an anti-hero

CD: i...hate all my CDs. well, Steal This Album! has an awesome case/cover, and Three Days Grace's One-X is alright if I'm in the mood for it

Flower: ...roses :V

Scent: dragon's blood, berries

Animal: pretty much anything reptilian (except chameleons)

Comic Book: uhh... I don't read comics often so idk.

Cereal: Kix or Cinnamon Toast Crunch

WebSite: deviantART (minus the dArama)

Cartoon: DANNY PHANTOM MOTHAHFUCKAHS and Ben 10 and South Park...



DO YOU


Play An Instrument?: not very well xD

Like To Sing?: yes, but again, not very well...

Have A Job?: not really

Have A Cell Phone?: yeah :U

Like To Play Sports?: actually I do, but it's one of those "I DON'T WANT TO" until I'm actually doing it xD

Have A Boyfriend/Girlfriend?: kind of

Have A Crush On Someone?: ...fuck yeah

Live Somewhere NOT In The United States?: unfortunately, no

Have More Than 5 TVs In Your House?: lmao no.

Have Any Special Talents/Skills?: I draw better than the average teenager :V and I can do different voices

Exercise Daily?: ....no I'm fat for a reason

Like School?: hell to the NO. I used to like it, before I got friends...


CAN YOU


Say The Alphabet Backwards?: oh god no I'm somewhat dyslexic as it is

Stand On Your Tip Toes Without Wearing Shoes?: no xD my toes think I'm too fat

Speak Any Other Languages?: a liiiittle bit of American Sign Language, and a bit of Spanish

Go A Day Without Food?: yeah, I can actually go for a while without food... like, three days max before I start getting sick

Remember Your Dreams: almost all the time :U

Read Music, Not Just Tabs?: ...uhh... no?

Roll Your tongue?: naahh my tongue isn't that great at anything (which is why I'm a bad kisser...)

Eat A Whole Pizza?: If I'm in the mood for it, yes... but I'll feel really ugly after three pieces so I just stop there if I'm not in one of those "IDGAF WHAT HAPPENS" moods




HAVE YOU EVER


Won Something In The Lottery?: nnnnope

Snuck Out Of The House?: once

Lied To Get Out Of Trouble?: shit yeah... and I STILL haven't been caught and it's been like, ten years

Had A Computer Crash?: yes, this fucking thing sucks

Gotten Lost In Your City?: I fell asleep in the car and my mom took a weird way to get home... so I woke up and I was like "whoa holy shit WHERE ARE WE???!!"

Seen A Shooting Star?: yeeeep

Been To Any Other Countries?: no, but I want to. mostly England

Had A Serious Surgery?: uhhh none that I know of, mostly just shots :U

Stolen Something Important To Someone Else?: *thinks* ...nope

Solved A Rubiks Cube?: no because i fucking HATE THOSE THINGS

Gone Out In Public In Your Pajamas?: yeah xD

Cried Over A Girl?: yeeeep

Cried Over A Boy?: yeah and I went psycho over one too

Kissed A Random Stranger?: wtf no

Hugged A Random Stranger?: YES i love doing that

Been In A Fist Fight?: yes xD but not recently... though I think I can do better if I ever got into one again

Been Arrested?: nope nope

Done Drugs?: yeah, i slightly overdosed on vicodin once... shit made me see pink elephants in my math class. it was awesome and terrifying at the same time

Had Alcohol?: yeeepp

Laughed And Had Milk Come Out Of Your Nose?: lmao no

Pushed All The Buttons On An Elevator?: noooope

Sneaked Into The Opposite Sex's Bathroom?: -almost-, when i was like, 9

Gone To School Only To Find You Had The Day Off Because Of A Holiday Or Something Else?: no but that would have been a pleasant surprise!

Swore At Your Parents?: well i've accidentally cursed in front of my mom but not at her lol

Kicked A Guy Where It Hurts?: maybe once

Been To A Casino?: yeah... but I was there for the buffet, with my grandpa xD

Ran Over An Animal And Killed It?: not me personally, but my aunt accidentally hit a dog and killed it when we were going to lunch

Broken A Bone?: fractured a finger but no broken bones! i r scared of pain

Gotten Stitches?: nope nope~

Had A Water Balloon Fight In Winter?: lmao no, I've never even been in a water balloon fight in the SUMMER, i hate balloons

Made Home-Made Muffins?: fghdjfg yes

Bitten Someone?: YES I actually love doing that, and we would have biting competitions when I was a freshman xD

Been To Disney Land/Disney World?: SHIT YEAH BITCHES, I FUCKING LOVE DISNEYLAND and i'm going there for my 18th birthday to attack Carsland OOH YEAAHH

Burped In Someone’s Face?: ...yes




WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU...


Brushed Your Teeth: THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION

Cried: oh like 6 hours ago

Went To The Bathroom: ...i don't remember, sometime earlier

Saw A Movie In A Theater: OH I CAN ANSWER THIS UM UMMM... ummm fuck fuck OH the new Narnia

Read A Book: back around Christmas xD

Had A Snow Day: ahh I live in central California, we've never heard of a snow day xD

Had A Party: like... shit, three years ago? I don't like parties :/

Went To A Doctor: omfg i don't even remember, i hate doctors too

Tripped In Front Of Someone: uhh the last time i went out in public... two days ago-ish? :|

Went To The Grocery Store: I don't remember

Got sick: ummm in January I think

Got Cursed: magick-wise, I can't say I ever have been... cussword wise, earlier this morning by my mother lol

Called Someone: um... dunno, I don't call people :/


DO YOU PREFER


Fruit/Vegetables: fruuuuit I love sweet things

Black/White: black >:U *is totally Gothic... and hates white because it hurts her eyes*

Lights On/Lights Off: dim lights on xD I don't like the dark but I can't stand being showered in light

TV/Movie: TV, usually, because I love watching cartoons and BBCA

Body Spray/Lotion: body spray, the female kind that doesn't smell like ox ass. lotion makes my skin feel... slimy >_>

Cash/Check: CAAASH baby

Pillows/Blankets: pillows if my body is sore, blankets if I'm having a sad

Headache/Stomachache: headache, because that won't result in something really embarrassing later on... xD

Paint/Charcoal: actually, i like both :U but paint has colours to it sooo paint

Chinese Food/Mexican Food: mexican... i HATE chinese food (I hate a lot of things actually)

Summer/Winter: winter!

Snow/Rain: raaain <3

Fog/Misty: foggy pleeease

Rock/Rap: rock >:V

Meat/Vegetarian: vegetarian, surprisingly XD *trying to get on a better diet*

Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla! :dummy:

Sprinkles/Icing: ICING :la:

Cake/Pie: cake, pie is gross... unless it's one of those deliciously fattening Homerun packaged pies :paranoid: shit's delicious I tell ya

Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries... blueberries taste ugly to me >_>

Ocean/Swimming Pool: pool :noes: the ocean gives Deege a scared

Cookies/Muffins: cookies UNLESS it's a chocolate muffin, then i'll have a dilemma

Wallet/Pocket: pocket B| i like wallets for their designs (I have a Ghostbusters and an Autobot wallet myself) but they're just... kind of showing off lol

Window/Door: windows! big ones, not tiny little basement fuckers

Charles Chaplin/Chespirito: ...wgdfjf wat

Pink/Purple: purple, dark purple

Cat/Dog: kitty please! dogs are good for active people, but i like to relax with a kitty on my belly any day of the week xD

Long Sleeve/Short Sleeve: long sleeve... I wear arm socks and jackets even in the summer xD

Pants/Shorts: pants, dear god I do not want to subject others to the horror that is my thunder thighs

Winter Break/Spring Break: winter break, longer + CHRISTMAS

Spring/Autumn: autumn... 1) it's the name of my car, 2) HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!

Clouds/Clear Sky: cloudy... vampier ddege do nawt liek teh sun

Moon/Mars: moon :U

Questions/Answers: questions!!!

War/Peace: peace :T

Do You Believe In Love?: yeeeep

What's The Most Important Kind Of Love For You?: soul mate love... it's kind of all i have, i don't trust any other love (because i know deep inside i'm still just a human, AND a teenager, and for all i know it could just be hormones wanting to get laid >_> )

Have You Ever Been In Love?: mmhm

Been close with love?: mmmmmmhm

If You Have, With Who?: LOTS OF FEMALES well actually like... three. lol. the rest are dudes :V

Ever Confessed Your Feelings To The One You Liked?: yes, embarrassing results ended up with me never wanting to ask people out ever again :1

Have You Ever Thought Of How Long You'd Be Together With Someone You Love?: yessss

Are You In A Relationship?: ...kind of? I mean I don't want to be with anyone else because of it, lol

If So, For How Long?: aahh like 3 years?

Do You Believe There Is Someone For Everyone?: not for the dickwads, nope

How Old Were You When You Got Your First Kiss?: my first KISS kiss? ....like.... *coughfifteencough* BUT IT WASN'T MUTUAL as i later found out, that bitch

Do You Think Love Is Worth Nothing?: nope :U

Best Experience You’ve Ever Had With The Opposite Sex?: SEX no not really... best experience has to be with Tristan and Braedon, when we all went out for a big ol' Wicca day at the park xD

Have You Ever Been Dumped?: the one time i had a "boyfriend", i dumped him because he was being an asshole. so no xD

Have You Ever Dumped Someone?: *points to above question*




I...


Am: kind of upset

Want: a fucking car

Need: love

Love: umm...

Hate: how people act towards me when I have feelings (in other words IT'S NOT A FUCKING PHASE WITH ME so please STOP treating me like an "average teenager", goddamn)

Feel: kinda sick... not physically, mentally

Did: some weird shit

Miss: my grandpa

Am Annoyed By: people in general

Would Rather: be a witch

Am Tired Of: being ignored just because of my age and how i used to act

Will Always: be a little bit sad for everything



MISCELLANEOUS


What Is Your Favourite Genre Of Music?: pretty much hard rock, but recently I've been cool with the old '80s stuff. been listening to Journey a lot xD

What Time Is It Now?: 4:03 AM, pacific time... yes it's called an all-nighter folks

How Much Money Do You Have Right Now?: ...a lot of quarters. *LOOOOOOOOVES quarters*

Are You Hungry Right Now?: somewhat?

What Are You Doing Right Now?: pretty much just this quiz... and your mom

Do You Like Parades?: depends xD

Do You Like The Moon?: *ahem* yes.

What Are You Going To Do When You're Done With This?: aaahh probably go back to bed and watch television

If You Could Have Any Magical Power What Would It Be?: FUCKING FLIGHT BITCHES or maybe shapeshifting lol


DO YOU THINK YOU ARE


Funny?: usually

Cool?: ...depends

Pretty?: wtf fuck no

Sarcastic?: .....you cannot be serious

Lazy?: haha it's my number one trait

Hyper?: only when i'm in a REALLLL good mood

Friendly?: i can be! ...but not recently

Evil?: oh god yeah... but for some reason, it's kind of starting to recede... in that, i wanna be evil, but when i do evil things I feel horribly guilty afterwards >_>

Unforgettable?: if i can be a liiiiittle bit vain for a moment... no. i like to make sure that people never forget me. hence why I wear steampunk goggles and have a loud obnoxious voice!

Smart?: well.... actually yeah >_>;;; but it gets a little wobbly sometimes

Strong?: aaahhh you have to piss me off really... and I have a good kick

Talented?: somewhat..

Dorky?: oh dear neptune yes



WHAT COMES TO MIND WITH THE WORD


High: i'm stooooooooooned

Lonely: foreveralone

Pen: THIS FUCKING INK IS EVERYWHERE

Flower: roadrunners

Window: put your face against it and make silly noises

Psycho: SHOWER CURTAINS

Brain Freeze: ice cream nom nom

Strange: the twilight zone... wtf?

Sassy: them fucking Bratz dolls I want to burn them

Suffering: coheed & cambria

Art: SCHOOL IS FOR IT




WOULD YOU EVER


Sky Dive?: -maybe- ... I want to but I'm afraid of dying by squish

Run Away?: aahh yeah if i ever made enough money to do it properly. (i.e. transportation away, some cash to rent a hotel + get food, at least enough to survive a week alone)

Curse At A Teacher?: ...I did once LOL

Not Take A Shower For A Week?: I did that too... but I was at camp and they had shitty shower rules -_-

Ask Someone Out?: i did that too :|

Unscrew Your Cell Phone To See What's Inside?: i've done a lot of these things especially this. i LOVE taking things apart

Visit A Foreign Country For More Than A Month?: shit i would LIVE there... if the weather was okay and there wasn't a war going on

Go Scuba Diving?: oh god no i hate the ocean

Write A Book?: yeah but i get discouraged/bored after a while

Assemble A Computer?: ....no

Become A Rock Star?: wtf no xD maybe an artist for their CD covers but no rockin' for me

Have A Long-Distance Relationship?: ...i do

Marry Someone You Don't Know?: what the fuck NO




LAST QUESTIONS


What Kind Of Computer Do You Have?: I donnnnn't know

What Level Of Studies Are You In?: wat

Do You Like To Throw Popcorn At People In The Movies?: yes.... I want to do that at the Twilight movies lol

How Many Posters Do You Have In Your Room?: aaaaa lot?

Who Else Should Take This Waste Of Time?: idk your mom?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

just a quick message

FUCK OFF HE'S MINE IF YOU TOUCH HIM I WILL HURT YOU



oh god i needed to get that out so bad

Friday, February 4, 2011

a secret i've never told

Okay, I think it's time I got something out. Something happened to me years ago, when I was young and innocent and all that cutesy jazz. I've never talked about it because I don't often reflect on it. I don't know why, really - it was a horrible experience and I don't think I'd ever been so scared or confused since or before.
Anyways, rambling...

When I was eight (almost nine, I think), my daycare lady (I call her my aunt) took us and a bunch of the kids from daycare over to one of her older kids' house for a pool party. We all knew the kid and his parents and they knew us, it was all familiar.
Well, after some swimming, I had to use the bathroom. I asked my aunt where the bathroom was and she brought the owner-kid over to show me where. He took me inside, showed me the bathroom, then pushed me and shut the door and raped me. I didn't scream or say anything because I didn't even know what the hell sex was. I just took it. He made me into a dog and I was paralyzed. He left afterwards and I went outside and from there on, I don't remember anything, 'til a week later when I finally told my aunt. She was furious. He called me a liar, but I wasn't.

Four years later, I was home alone. My mom was just a few houses down at her friend's house. I was in my pajamas and watching television in the living room, when someone knocked on the door. I sat there, waiting for them to knock again, and they didn't. So I got up and looked through the peep hole. There was a person out on the sidewalk (having walked away). I thought it was my mom, so I opened the door and instead it was a man I'd never seen before. He saw me and came to the door and said he was selling vacuums, and asked if my mom was home. I said no (biggest mistake of my life). He said alright. Then he told me he'd been doing this all day, and would like to know where our restroom was. I figured, hey, if I was out selling stuff all day in the summer heat, I'd like someone to let me quickly use their restroom, so I let him in and showed him where it was. He went into the bathroom, flushed the toilet to make it SEEM like he'd gone, and then came back and put his hand down my pants. Again, I was paralyzed. He just felt me for a good five or ten seconds, then pulled his hand away and left. I shut the door and called my mom. She found him as he was walking down the street, and the cops were called.

The above explains my fear of answering doors and taking calls. Probably my paranoia too.
I'm glad to get this off my chest, I think.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

whisper in a dead man's ear

I think I've finally gone off my nut.




Fucking awesome

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A QUIZ because I don't wanna post it on dA...

...and bump that free request journal.


1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Yes, I love being personal. :dummy: hurr

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
...it would still be Williams because it was my mom B( gross.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
For once, YES. Even my mom was like "8| are you okay? you're really happy..."

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
Last person to call was my mom... but that's not exciting LAST PERSON I PHONE'D (over MSN) WAS :devcandimente: 'CAUSE WE HAVE LULZ WHEN WE CAN HEAR EACH OTHER WITH OUR WEIRD ACCENTS

5. What are you excited for?
FUCKING CARS 2 OMG AND TRANSFORMERS 3 OMGOMG AND my birthday cB

7. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
well I only DREAMED she said it but :devcandimente:

8. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Bacon! :la:

9. Have a best friend?
Hell yeah baby

10. Are you scared to fall in love?
Yes, because I know if I find someone worth loving (IRL), then I'll abandon everything I have with my friends... 'cause I'm THAT desperate. :B But I haven't found that "omg I want to be your bf/gf aaauugh" love yet, so I'll just stick with my soulmate love that I have with "someone else" :meow:

11. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Yup. I'm a teenager and I love somebody. :D And not in that "LET'S HAVE LOTS OF SEX AND MAKE OUT" kind of way. I think it would be awkward for her anywho 8|

12. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
um... my mom's boyfriend. :icontrollfaceplz:

13. What time is it right this second?
12:56 PM

14. What do you want right now?
boots and my kitty :I ...AND A SMOOTHIE

15. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I don't take pictures. B| I am not photogenic in the slightest.

16. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Not romantically taken, but I won't be getting any other mates any time soon. P:

17. When was the last time you cried?
Aaauughh ummm a few days ago I think? fgsds I don't keep track

18. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
One's dead and the other ignores me 75% of the time! :dummy:

19. Do you find it hard to trust others?
Yeah, I do... I mean, I can trust the people I already KNOW but when it comes to strangers or new people, I tend to be like "yeah that's nice are you going to sell me to the government? >____>"

20. How fast does your mind change?
ahh.. quickly 8| especially when I start getting mad.

21. I bet you miss somebody right now.
yup, I'm always missing people. :V since the only ones I've been needing (in that psychological sense) recently are both dead.

22. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
Ahh yeah, I'm okay. I'm not walking on sunshine or anything, but I'm not horribly depressed xD

23. Why do you think so many people cheat?
Because they're scared to leave the one they're "actually" with, or not getting what they want out of their lovers.

24. Tell me what's on your mind?
"Am I just being fucked with or is that an actual attempt for her to be my friend again? Do I start confronting her on the matter or is it a waste of time? ...I want a strayberry/banana smoothie."

25. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
My birthday! :la: And going back to regular school so I can have social interaction with KIDS MY AGE. 8U

26. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
lmao it's practically all I wear, shirt-wise. I've started to dress a little more feminine-ly lately, but I used to wear just slightly-baggy jeans, huge clonky tennis shoes, and raggy band T-shirts.

27. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
ahh yesterday

28. When is your next road trip?
I dunno, it depends on if we're going to Disneyland for my birthday or not. :u

29. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
Yes but he isn't "real" and technically counts as my female best friend XDDD ..OH WAIT no there's my buddies Braedon and Tristan :la:

30. How's your heart?
I don't wanna find out. 8( I used to be a fast food junkie and it's starting to catch up with me...

31. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
Yeah, pretty much all the time. >>

32. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
Somebody "real"? Well, maybe.

33. What are you planning on doing after this?
Finishing my ID and possibly working on the Kainotophobia cover. :U

34. Next time you will kiss someone?
8|.... I'm not sure. I've never kissed anyone before.

35. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Nnnnnno well maybe I told Romulus that >_>

36. Who do you not get along with?
Pretty much anyone that I KNOW who isn't my friend. If I know you, you're either my friend or I dislike you. 81

37. What does you 3rd recent text say?
I'm too lazy to grab my phone B| the fucker's charging anyway, his battery was down to like 19% when I finally plugged him in.

38. What are you wearing right now?
Purple cheetah pajama pants, black tanktop + black and green stripey fucked up shirt 8D

39. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
....I'VE NEVER KISSED ANYONE IRL meh I'll just make it a certain sanguivore and yes it gets SO HAWT in dat closet

40. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
AHAHAHA LAST NIGHT

41. What's your favorite boy and girl name right now?
Hrrrmm boy would be Damien, girl would be Cecelia :U or Lilith >u>

42. How did you feel when you woke up?
...happy I JUST ANSWERED THIS

43. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
yes >_>

44. Do you crack your knuckles?
I used to, and then I outcracked them. 8<

45. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
PLAYING MOTHERFUCKIN' POKEMON... or farting around with Kyologic, I can't remember

46. What are your LEGAL initials?
C S W ...it sound like a train company asgdjfdkgl

47. Who's the first B in your contacts?
*beastofoblivion herpderp (dA contacts btw because I only have ONE contact on my messengers :I)

48. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
earlier when I woke up and checked on my mom while she was making breakfast... she said something and it gave me squeaky giggles xD

49. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
I don't go after them... I chain myself to their arm >B| AS PUNISHMENT

50. Explain your last awkward moment?
when my mom's boyfriend picked me up from work and he asked me how work was. 81 I said "fine" and we didn't talk for the next 10 minutes 'til we got home. XD

51. Are you afraid of the dark?
In all seriousness, yes. I used to live in a haunted house, so the dark always brings back memories of the shit that was in my old house ._.

52. Do you have good vision?
Yes, but it's starting to get shitty. I hope it doesn't get any worse, I am NOT a glasses person Dx

53. Have you ever tripped someone?
Yessss >:3 (I was a little trouble maker when I was young...)

54. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah, I have. I think I only did it ONCE in seriousness, and the other times were for lulz.

55. Are you Irish?
A little bit, somewhere. I'm practically all the white people in the world mushed into one fat ugly blonde chick B|

56. Do you use chap stick?
haha no. My lips always have skin pealing at the peak CONSTANTLY.

57. Do you have any scars?
Some on my arms, an old one on my leg, two on my eyebrows, and one deep one on my foot. I'm not into getting hurt a lot so I'm relatively un-scarred. :U

58. Is there someone you will never forgive?
Yup, that bitch that stole my potential boyfriend. Er, bitches. >_>

59. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
Nope, not dating anyone. :u But I wish people WOULD hold hands with me more often. >: I'm very touch-oriented and I like to just feel the person I'm with... that's why people love Deege snuggles. c:

60. Name the last person to text you?
Momma.

61. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
*COUGHCOUGHalreadykindaengagedthereCOUGHCOUGH*

62. Can you go in public looking like you do?
No! :noes:

63. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a A?
Never kissed 8/

64. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Depends on my mood. Sometimes I'll lay just diagonally with my arms spread out (good mood), sometimes I'll curl into a ball at the foot of the bed (feeling depressed), and sometimes I'll just sleep hanging off the bed (probably on drugs).

65. What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Put on my dress (it's gonna be BLACK AND RED), have the wedding, then catch the next flight to the Carpathian Mountains and have an awesome Transylvanian honeymoon FULL OF SEX :LA:

66. Do you fall for people easily?
Depends. 8| If they're sexy and funny, yes. If they're butt-ugly and annoying, gtfo.

67. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
No one. ;_; *is alone*

68. Do you miss the way things used to be?
dgjglfhhsfj yes

69. Song you're thinking of right now?
"Forbidden Friendship" - John Powell, HTTYD soundtrack. My favorite song in the whole movie ;_;

70. Want someone back in your life?
yup. :c

71. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Probably... depends on if we get to go do something. >3>

72. What's the color of the shirt you are wearing?
Green and black 8U

73. Who was the first friend that you had?
My grampa. I didn't make friends easily when I was young, but my grampa was always my best friend. And his Rottweiler, Baby. :3

74. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Yes. I don't care if it's even for "my own good" anymore, these days the lies have become so severe that it breaks my heart when anyone has to lie to me about ANYTHING.

75. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Uh... the person I'm in the relationship with. xD And my mom, sometimes.

76. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
Despite popular belief, I'm naturally a happy person. I just need to have people around me (that I like) for me to be happy. If I don't have much social interaction, then I start closing up and becoming depressed.

77. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
...Seth Green. Or Jay Baruchel. Believe it or not, I have major crushes on them both.

78. What do you wear when you sleep?
Pretty much whatever I wore in the dy, though sometimes I DO change into pajamas xD

79. Are you obsessed with something right now?
How To Train Your Dragon and Danny Phantom. <3333

80. The first person you loved is?
sgdsjfkhfl this kid named Lee. He was my next door neighbor and I had the HUGEST crush on him, but I moved and a few years later we went to the same high school together and he'd gotten SO UGLY AND RETARDED FFFF. :C

81. Something terrible happened with you?
Well, my dad died and no one told me for seven years... I'm afraid of strangers for a REASON and not just because it's wired into my brain by chemical default... I have blacked out and almost killed someone before... and that's the worst of it, I think!

82. You are locked up with someone you love, what happens
If it's the CHICK I love, we probably end up pretending to be our OCs and screaming "NOOOOES" for hours on end. If it's the MAN I love... :tehe:

83. If you could wish something, what would it be?
TO BE/HAVE A DRAGON!!!!!!!! 8UUUUUUUUUUU

84. Ever forced someone to do something?
...I think so idk >n>

85. When you are alone, what do you think about?
Either sexy times, adventures, or Pokemon/Danny Phantom/HTTYD.

86. How was your first kiss?
8|... >BC

87. What's your favorite music genre?
I would say rock, but I love movie soundtracks moreso these days. >_> *is currently listening to John Williams stuff*

88. Are you going to tag people to do this?
PROBABLY nawt.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

[]

hey caring for her is my job.

FUCK THE FUCKING HELL OFF. SHE ISN'T YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE. remember the whole "I was friends with you first and you wanted to talk to me more than you did her" thing, you know, before we stopped being friends?
yeah
Let's just fucking stick to that, that'd be a great fucking plan

in other news

i want to strangle people

ohwait that's not news trolololo fuck you guys

what is this i dont even

Woke up this morning from a dream that I don't remember seeing but I remember being in. All I can remember seeing, really, is a road that lead out to... nowhere. Not outer space or "nothing", it just went into this expanse of nowhere. But I do remember existing in this dream, and NOT as Deege.
Anyways, woke up, and suddenly couldn't breathe. I was panicking for no reason and I had to practically fall off of the couch and get my shit together before I started crying. Completely threw my day out of whack.
So I decided to take a day off, and just vegged on the couch. Didn't eat or drink much, just put Buffy on and played Pokemon and hid under the blankets. I was fine if I didn't move, but if I let my brain NOT be distracted, even for a moment, everything would start to slide and I'd get all... different in the head. I wouldn't describe it as a shift, really, but more of a "sharing".
At one point I kind of started feeling a little, like... loldrunk. Just "mehh" and woozy and everything processed slowly, hardly, or not even at all. Only one moment or two where I really kinda slid away and lost control, and ONLY for a moment.

So yeah... today's been weird and I haven't been liking it very much. I hate shaky ground, if you get what I mean. .__.

ANYWHO ENOUGH RANTING it appears I should go to bed, night night everyone

Monday, January 17, 2011

theory that involves David Boreanaz

I was totes watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 2 baby), and I realized somethin'

Buffy + Angel = omg I'm a slayer and you're a vamp but we should so make out, yeah? ok. *makes out*
>Buffy: omg angel i love you it's so hard to say goodbye at night
>Angel: THEN LET'S HAVE SOME SEX

>Angel experiences a moment of true happiness, the curse of him having a soul (because vampires lose their souls after they're turned) is revoked and he goes back to being an EVIL DICKFACED CUNT

>Buffy is like OMG ANGEL NOOOOOOOOOOOOO this is all my fault omgomg *tears*

>Angel then goes into "lemme make her crazy >:3" mode and starts fucking with Buffy's mind: leaving her roses on Valentine's Day with a card that says "SOON", stalking her to the point where he draws her as she sleeps in her bed (then leaves the drawing on her pillow to let her know she was there), killing Giles' (Buffy's companion) girlfriend, etc

THIS IS LIKE THE CRAZY VAMPIRIC MALE VERSION OF WHAT HAPPENED TO A CERTAIN SNAKE/WOLF/VAMPIRE/WTF.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU--

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Moar dreams

I had some epic freaking dreams last night and I have nothing to do so I'll write 'em up here!

Dream 1: I'm a little 8-year-old again, and my clothes are dirty and torn. I'm apparently at my old elementary school because we're in a fenced area and kids are playing around me in this open field. I wander around and find an enormous palm tree branch/skin thing that looks like a banjo. It has strings and everything, so I pull it to my chest and start playing. It sounds beautiful, like a cross between a real banjo and a violin. I then realize I can play "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence on it, and so I start playing that song. <3
(I woke up after this dream and decided to name the instrument a bidetta.)

Dream 2: (after going back to sleep) I'm at the very edge of my old hometown, which normally would be the start of the countryside but is, for some reason, desert and flats. There's the normal train tracks though, crisscrossing around a large butte in the middle of the land.
For some reason, my friends and I gather up a huge flock of chickens and try to race them across the tracks before a train comes. The chickens run for the tracks, but then suddenly disappear when the train arrives (not die, just disappear into thin air). I freak out, thinking the train hit the chickens, and run out to the tracks to get it to stop. The train swerves around me and makes a wiiiiide turn... right as ANOTHER train comes. That train then twines around the first train in this epic train dance, and that's when I see that the second train is hauling an ENORMOUS silver motorcycle. IT'S SO AWESOME-LOOKING FFFUUUUU but the trains go on their way, and I turn back to the town, where Dream 3 starts...

Dream 3: I'm walking back to town, to the park. Here is where the dream skews away from "my story", and goes to two little creatures that are drifting over the town. The first creature looks kind of like a male Mismagius (Pokemon), and the second one looks kind of like a yellow ghostly Pikachu/pig mix thing. The second one is talking to the first about how it got such-and-such for their evil plot to take over the town. The second one nods and says, "Well, you know what?" The second one looks at it and the second one says, "I don't need you anymore." and noms/absorbs the second one. 8| (that was, btw, one of the freakiest things I've ever dreamt up)
So the second one (let's call it "M") turns into a small telescope-like robot with one eye on the top and zooms over to the park...
...where "I" am. This is where the dream starts to turn into a Pokemon fangasm dream, because I'm having lunch with Ash, Misty, and Brock, and their Pokemon, LOL. (And I was also like "I wish I had Pokemon!!! :noes:" I'm such a dork xD)
M floats directly above the park and suddenly extends several metallic arms that surround the park and put up a "net" of sorts. We all spring into action and start trying to fight off M's devices when suddenly TEAM ROCKET appears! :NOES: They've been brainwashed as per M's plan, and are driving a really epic-looking hovercraft. Ash is like, "TEAM ROCKET FFFUUU" and Jesse responds in a hypnotized voice - something about how we'll pay for being good guys or whatever.
So Ash sends out Pikachu to fend off the suddenly-attacking Electrodes/Voltorbs flying at us, but Pikachu's not doing so well on its own so I leap forward and SMASH into M, shutting down the net and the evil Pokemon.
Unfortunately, right as I hit M, it sends off a violent static shock and I pass out...
...then wake up in a van later, being taken care of by Misty and Brock. I'm also now in a Stig/miniature BD (Transformers) suit, wtf. I claim that I'm alright and open the van door, slinking out onto the sidewalk. We're in front of the park and there's a bunch of kids who saw the whole thing happen. I sit down on the curb and watch the police investigate the scene for a moment, when suddenly my head feels horrible, like someone's stabbing a knife straight into my brain. My whole body just HURTS and I curl up and have to hold back a scream.
One of the kids notices and comes over, tapping my shoulder. I look at her and she holds her arms out. And then Deege hugged a little kid aww.
AND THEN ALL THE KIDS CAME OVER AND GAVE DEEGE HUGS AWWWWWWWWW.
So I'm a hero in this dream and that's amazing hur hur~

Dream 4: I'm basically driving my mom's Dodge Stratus around at night through some old Aztec/Mayan ruins. This was a really derp dream. xD

And there was another one later on about a tornado suddenly coming down and me and all my friends had to get into our school's basement for safety and then I got caught texting wtf. BUT YEAH.

And there's all those dreams trololololo