Ashton in Pigtails.

I just saw a drawing I did of that subject.




Today. It failed. On massive amounts.

It started out okay. Roosevelt was extremely pleased with my life-model drawing, and so was the model himself. Harrigan - second period, Geometry - was alright. Avoided that bitch Dawn who has been talking about me behind my goddam back.
Break was fun, actually. Josh and I played snuggle tag, since he's apparently my Valentine, and he tricked me into getting tagged. Lots of chasing and hopping over backpacks was involved. I liked it.
Third, meh. Boring. It's science, I was never much a science geek.
Fourth, mehhhhh. Had a sub in that class.
But that's pretty much where everything took a shit on itself.
Arin was having another bad day. (He's a very negative Snape-like person) I wanted to cheer him up.
"Do you need a hug?"
"No."
"Do you need group therapy?"
"No."
"Do you need one-on-one talk therapy?"
"No."
"Do you need... ice cream?"
"No."
"Chocolate?"
"No... It doesn't really matter what I /need/ anyway."
"...Do you /want/ ice cream?"
"Yes..." (and here he started to smile)
"Do you /want/ one-on-one talk therapy?"
"No."
So Hobbit and I giggled, because if I can't have Arin laugh, Hobbit's laughing no matter what because I give off those vibes. But then Arin fucking cut in with this:
"If anyone here needs one-on-one talk therapy, it's you, Deege."
Hobbit and I immediately stopped laughing.
"Excuse me?"
"You're always thinking about that thing with Emmie. You always hate on her. That's fine, but you shouldn't always think about it. If you dwell on it, you won't mature and grow up."
So I went off on him, telling him that I was /born/ eighteen years old, how I do not dwell on it (I never bring that shit up at home unless that goddam bitch said something to me that day) and how I only think about it when I see her (trashy fucking) face. How it wasn't his goddam business, I never asked him to comment on that, and how I hadn't even spoken a word that day about this skank.
'I didn't mean to offend you, I just wanted to tell you' my ASS. We weren't even fucking talk about that crap. I was trying to help a friend, and he turns that shit right around and pisses me off. Pisses me RIGHT THE FUCK OFF. It isn't HIS business, it wasn't fucking about ME, god DAMN IT. Fuck I hate him sometimes.

So I couldn't truly remember damn fifth period, and when I went down to the Hellhole for lunch, Arin started stalking me around and was like, "I was just /saying/, Deege" until finally I turned around, snarled his name, then left him standing there.

Then my friends came over, we ate lunch, I stole Taylor's journal that she had written erotica in.
Around the time I playfully read out a bit of the story - "unbearably hard COCK!" - I switched.
Switching for me is sometimes very smooth, to where I don't even notice it myself until someone points it out. Sometimes it's violent and full of struggle, such as on full moons or when I start having flashbacks, but this time it wasn't.
My voice changed, my gestures changed, my laugh changed. I was fine with it. I didn't know who I was, but I was just okay. I wasn't angry, was with friends. But when Zexi made a grab for Taylor's book, which I still had, I screeched at him, "Touch it and I WILL KILL YOU!"
He suddenly looked very scared, and I stopped. I looked at Brayden (who knows how I work, in a mild but understanding way), and he just stared at me. I remember telling him, "I didn't say that." and he replied, "I know you didn't."
Then everything blurred together and I hardly remember anything between lunch and now.


Yesterday night, Mom, Rachel and I went to Fresno to go drop off the quilts we had made at a Give A Day, Get a Disney Day place. We had dropped them off and were on our way home, and I was kind of singing or something, and I saw a car in the dark... I very blatantly SAW this car, because I stopped singing and said, "-and there's a fifties' car that I wanna riiiiide~-"
But we stopped at an intersection, and the car next to us pulled up, drove past, and the car wasn't there anymore. It was parked in a parking lot, I saw it, but it wasn't there anymore. There was a damn empty space where that car was.
I nearly shit myself.



So now I'm home, tired and cold, wearing my new jeans and new Mustang shirt. Hungry like a bitch, good grief. Eating once a day really sucks.


I will now patiently wait for things to happen...